After years of putting it off, the time had finally arrived. I woke up with my heart filled with joy and the sky filled with…clouds! Dark, looming clouds! Are you kidding me?! It could have rained at any other point during the last 25 years, but no! The sky decides to empty itself of every drop of water it has accumulated on this particular day.
Isn’t that just the way it always is.
Noah: “You know what I’ve always wanted to do? Sky Dive!” God: “Hey Noah, not so fast. You need to build an ark!”
100 years later
Noah: “Finally! The ark is finished. Sky Dive!” Shem: “I think I just felt a rain drop.” Noah: “Crap.”
On Saturday, June 12th, despite rain (and lots of it), my friend Steve and I drove up to Skydive Toronto, a drop zone just north of the city. We knew there was no chance of actually getting into the sky, but we decided to take the training and fill out the paperwork so that our next visit would be nothing but air.
Upon arrival we were ushered into a small viewing room to watch the safety & training video. It was informative…and immensely entertaining.
Our video instructor (who we figured, by virtue of the beard, was a brother of either the Idomo pitchman or one of the members of ZZ Top), began the process by telling us that we would die. It was very encouraging.
He then spent the next few minutes making sure that we were well aware of the fact that when we did die it would be absolutely futile for any person, past or present, to sue anyone, past or present, which had any direct or indirect connection to the fatal jump. He assured us that although some bereaving individuals have attempted to take their case to the courts, they ultimately failed. So don’t even bother!
With all the negatives out of the way, it was time to hear about what was sure to be the most exciting experience of our life…until we hit the ground.
Now, I will admit that it was very difficult to focus on the “training” aspects of the video when they were being conducted by a tall lanky man with short shorts and his beard tucked into his jump suit. I kept thinking that he may have been Amish, but then I thought, “Amish don’t fly!”...or do they?
Anyways, with the video segment over, it was on to the fun stuff. Paperwork! We took a seat and waited as two large forklifts, carrying our documents, appeared from the far reaches of the hangar. Every page was worded a little differently but basically each read as follows:
When I die…I won’t sue you.
I think one of the documents stated that I would agree to give my soul to the devil, but there were so many pages, it really was just a blur. So…fingers crossed.
We paid, booked our next visit and then left…praying for the sun to shine on Monday!